Not difficult not easy

It's easy to make as if things are fine. Whereas you are dying inside. It's like you can't breathe at times. You feel like you are suffocating and wish to just break down and cry. These days are so difficult to handle still you make as if it is easy. Somehow you still get up in the morning with the encouraged Word of God as the source that keeps you going. But you know it is difficult. You tell God all your heartaches and challenges and some how you get new strenght but some days it's is more difficult than easy. You can't sleep, you want to cry but there is no tears that come. You so long for your loved one that are thousand miles away. You never thought this will be so difficult being apart as you never experienced it so long apart. God please give me the strenght to hold on to my faith. You are all I have and all I will ever need. I will get the help coz I realised I will drown if not getting it soon. Lord help me!